A time set aside just for me to gather my thoughts, share my ideas, and to communicate with the world.

October 28, 2010

Surreal Thoughts this Morning

     It has been a long month, first Ej turned 8 years old! This along with other things, has been difficult for me. Lately for me, life has been stirring rapidly. This month alone I personally knew of two births of new babies, and received the word that two people's life would be ending, according to God's Will. It's funny, there is no question about the babies birth, a time for joy, new love, and new opportunities for growth; but what about the two lives that are slowing down. A dear 92 year old woman, as expected, is ready to go home. Who can question that? I mean 92 years, I know she has seen a lot. My Godmother on the other hand is more troublesome for me. She is a little older than my mom, and has suffered many years with Congestive Heart Failure. Her .family has been gathered all week around her, spending every second that you can possibly get with your loved one. One minute her pulse is weak, and it is expected any moment that she will go, and later on that evening she has enough strength to ask her son to watch the television news. The very next day, she gets up and goes to the doctor, and now her family reports that she is in a confusion when she speaks, one minute making sense, and the other minute, talking about her conversation with her deceased parents. I think that has been one of God's greatest gifts to this family, one more opportunity with their momma, his wife, their sibling and friend. How in the world do you get ready to say good-bye to your momma? Worse yet, how do you prepare to say good-bye to your child, like my mother had to do? Getting old, is freaking me out. I think its not so much as the actual event of death that I am afraid of, its for the one's left behind. I know how devastating it is to lose someone.

     Lately, I have realized my kid's are growing up so fast. I logically understand that at the age of eleven and eight years old, they are still babies in terms of experience in this world. It is my job to protect them, love them, and bring them up safely without the trauma, that we adults spend the rest of our lives in therapy trying to get over. It is equally heart-wrenching to see your young adult children, struggle to figure out who they are, and what they want to be when they grow up. You want to make so many safe decisions for them, but somehow through it all, you find the strength to sometimes let them make their own mistakes.

     This morning I did something a little different with Elijah, I took the opportunity to "snuggle with him", and watched him sleep. Just quiet time, that we are so often in a hurry and miss. Rushing to get them up and ready to go somewhere, but today I didn't care, It was our time... didn't even matter if he was late for school, we had good quality time together. Oh, and by the way, he was still on time! lol....

It's amazing that I believe before forty years of age, life is/and was one big rush! Having children young, you never took the time to just enjoy them, it was always reaching from one goal to another. I remember watching my grandmother just sit and watch.... taking in every second of the situation that she had. Growing up, I always loved sitting and talking with older folks, and listening to their stories... it was those moments, that they had the opportunity to share with me, their "quiet moments" of life........

I take each day given to me and my loved one's on a whole new level, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you friends.


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