A time set aside just for me to gather my thoughts, share my ideas, and to communicate with the world.

December 5, 2010

The First Snow of the Year

Wow, it's actually snowing n Virginia. Very small, light snow, that of course is not sticking, but nevertheless, it's snow! I can't believe that we are winding down another year, time waits on no one, that's for sure. So many things I need to do, plans, goals, and objectives to be met! I do not want my desires of planning, goals, becoming extremely organized to fall on deaf ears, so I must be really diligent about making sure it happens, not doing like I usually do, and making a long list that sits in my planning book. We are leaving for the Bahama's on December 13th, yes I know, wow, perfect timing! A well needed break for everyone going! We invited my mother and Anthony's mother to go with us, my mom couldn't make it, but Anthony's mom is going!

I have started writing a book, moving very slowly, and letting the Holy Spirit lead me in direction and what to write, again, I need to be more focused and work on it daily. I feel so much better about myself when I am on task, and organized. I guess it is a little bit of OCD kicking in, but hey, whatever works!

Anthony wants to sell the house, and move in six months. That's all good, but actually that means, Traci will do all the preparations, like usual! Not complaining, I am blessed to have such a good husband who has the ability to make these dreams, true and factual, when he says he wants to do something, it will happen.

Well Kate is getting ready to come home for the holiday break, can't wait! Kody is turning 18 in 4 days! Wow I can't believe it!

Time to get out the Christmas cards, and in the mail, another one of my tasks on my list!

Until Next Time,

As you know, I am really into Genealogy, I have made up a blog just for that purpose. Please check it out and follow would be wonderful!

November 17, 2010

Healing the Spirit

     I was flipping through pages on the Internet, (yes, you can do that, lol) and typed in my brother's name to see what came up. I do have a couple websites in memory of him, but I pulled up a website, called Healing the Spirit.org http://www.healingthespirit.org/donor-listing.php#top

     Daniel was a donor after he died, and this list listed him, as well as so many others. Click the Link, and see what a humbling experience.

     Life is full of ups and down, but God said the storms will not last long! Trials come to make you strong, and I know that he will turn all the hurts, pain, and ugliness into something Good for his purpose.
I am hanging on to this promise, because otherwise I can't see it..... Dan RIP


November 11, 2010

This is a Blog Piece that I Wrote For Liberty University on "The Gospel."

"Not everyone who says to Me, `Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. "Many will say to Me on that day, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' "And then I will declare to them, `I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.' Matthew 7:21-23

In today's society perception is almost exclusive, what I mean is, a person can tell another person everything that they have ever read or heard about the bible, but if that person who is sharing the message, own lifestyle is less than desirable, then everything said about the message loses validity. Society perceives to be a "Christian" you must do certain things, routines, beliefs, customs or have particular traits to prove you are a Christian. Religion should I say, is often more important perception wise to the non-believer that the actual content of the message.

To be completely honest, it is sometimes difficult to teach and share the Word in the hateful, sinful, world that we live in. It is almost an Anti-Christ. I remember as a child, praying in school, and now people are afraid to acknowledge the truth, that God is who he says he is.

Some specific reasons that people reject the Christian gospel is as follows:

Abuse and misrepresentation of the churches and pastors/ church officials of authority. It is hard to send in your money, or support the church, when the Pastor has been sentenced to prison for tax evasion. This is more common than not, and it takes away from the true message, that God is Good, and HE is love

Science, simply biology for example. A child is taught of evolution, and Dinosaurs not the Adam and Eve Story, and Genesis, How God created the World in seven days.

Fear, or denial of the truth, people are "turned off" by the "Your going to Hell theory," Society today is a "me, me," society, and the thought of having to follow certain doctrine is denied by many. It is often construed of the Bible to be somewhat sexist, the misunderstanding of what roles woman played in the Bible for example.

Christians can help address these objections and better communicate the Christian gospel by setting a good example for a non-believer. Show him/her by example, how to live a Godly Lifestyle, share the truth's and promises that are for all people, in the Bible. When speaking to a person, make sure that what you are telling them is in line with what the Bible says. You are responsible to share the correct information with them. Honesty speaks heart, if you don't know the answer, say I don't know, let's find it together. Tell them about Jesus gift to all of us, and that Salvation is ours, if we ask for it. A lot of people, don't realize that they must ask for it.

November 1, 2010

Momology: A Mom's Guide to Shaping Great Kids Book Review

     I love great books, and read a lot, so when I find a great book, I have to share! As a mom to five, I learned fairly early, that in order to have some sort of Peace, there had to be sort of order! I know this sounds militant, but really, with five kids you almost have to be, organizational wise that is.....The author breaks down her book in sections, using practical examples and experience on mastering "momhood". The author starts with the key term "resilience" and teaching our children that no matter what the situation is, or circumstances are that they are still "good" even when bad things happen. Secondly, that children are taught through self-awareness that they are important and valuable to someone who cares for them, and third, that there is meaning to life that is bigger, and greater than we, and now.

     The author, Shelly Radic shares that the core to being a great mom starts within us, sharing idea's for how to get to know ourselves, realizing and working with our strengths and weaknesses, taking the finesse to "fine tune" ourselves so that we can build our child.

     A big section of the book is entitled "Circles" regarding building a support system of other's around us, networking, building good and healthy girlfriends, continuing on throughout life with our husbands.
Shelly Radic is witty, funny, and uses practical examples dealing with "real issues". Her book is easy to read, and suited for all ages and stages of women.


October 30, 2010

Saturday Morning Quiet Time

     It's Quiet in our house, got my oils from Bath and Body Works burning, everyone is still asleep, except for the dog and I. I am sitting by the fireplace, (Yes, it is 36 degree's here) thinking today will be a pajama day! We all rented movies last night from Blockbuster, so we are squared away! May put on the fuzzy socks to do my homework later, but for now just wanted to write down my thoughts. It's funny to re-read this, and see the key words, fireplace, fuzzy socks, oil's burning, and my computer (writing)... for these are my "comforts", things that make me feel good inside! lol.... It is funny but I have passed these traditions on down to my girls, got we will grab a fuzzy blanket, socks, books, and something smelling good in a minute! Sometimes, it's the simple things in life that bring you the most comfort!

     I shared with you a few days ago, that I had a "visit" from my grandmother in my dreams! She is in Heaven, so our "visits" are few and far between, but I love those dreams that are so real, you actually have to think about, "Did this just happen?", or am I still dreaming. These are the dreams that you don't want to end. I think I have had one "visit" with Daniel since he has been gone, hoping to have more!

     Today I was thinking about my grandfather, "Papaw." Papaw was such a kind, patient man, who loved to just sit and talk, about each and everything we could think of! It's funny, I have had so many, many good memories of him. I still get that warm and fuzzy when I think of him, and how much I miss him! God is good, and I know that one day I will see him again, and have another talk! lol. He loved talking about John F Kennedy, when he was President, the books he read (mainly Louis L'Amour), cooking, and a vast of so many things. I miss his kind and gentle soul. I was so blessed as a child, I had great grandparents, and a wonderful relationship with them, I was even blessed with two sets of people, who took on the role of a grandparents, so I had "extras". I wish so much that my kids had that opportunity.

To wrap this up, I wanted to share a song that I love, it brings back a lot of good memories, and the questions asked in the song, is what I wonder (and wish) for today.


October 28, 2010

Surreal Thoughts this Morning

     It has been a long month, first Ej turned 8 years old! This along with other things, has been difficult for me. Lately for me, life has been stirring rapidly. This month alone I personally knew of two births of new babies, and received the word that two people's life would be ending, according to God's Will. It's funny, there is no question about the babies birth, a time for joy, new love, and new opportunities for growth; but what about the two lives that are slowing down. A dear 92 year old woman, as expected, is ready to go home. Who can question that? I mean 92 years, I know she has seen a lot. My Godmother on the other hand is more troublesome for me. She is a little older than my mom, and has suffered many years with Congestive Heart Failure. Her .family has been gathered all week around her, spending every second that you can possibly get with your loved one. One minute her pulse is weak, and it is expected any moment that she will go, and later on that evening she has enough strength to ask her son to watch the television news. The very next day, she gets up and goes to the doctor, and now her family reports that she is in a confusion when she speaks, one minute making sense, and the other minute, talking about her conversation with her deceased parents. I think that has been one of God's greatest gifts to this family, one more opportunity with their momma, his wife, their sibling and friend. How in the world do you get ready to say good-bye to your momma? Worse yet, how do you prepare to say good-bye to your child, like my mother had to do? Getting old, is freaking me out. I think its not so much as the actual event of death that I am afraid of, its for the one's left behind. I know how devastating it is to lose someone.

     Lately, I have realized my kid's are growing up so fast. I logically understand that at the age of eleven and eight years old, they are still babies in terms of experience in this world. It is my job to protect them, love them, and bring them up safely without the trauma, that we adults spend the rest of our lives in therapy trying to get over. It is equally heart-wrenching to see your young adult children, struggle to figure out who they are, and what they want to be when they grow up. You want to make so many safe decisions for them, but somehow through it all, you find the strength to sometimes let them make their own mistakes.

     This morning I did something a little different with Elijah, I took the opportunity to "snuggle with him", and watched him sleep. Just quiet time, that we are so often in a hurry and miss. Rushing to get them up and ready to go somewhere, but today I didn't care, It was our time... didn't even matter if he was late for school, we had good quality time together. Oh, and by the way, he was still on time! lol....

It's amazing that I believe before forty years of age, life is/and was one big rush! Having children young, you never took the time to just enjoy them, it was always reaching from one goal to another. I remember watching my grandmother just sit and watch.... taking in every second of the situation that she had. Growing up, I always loved sitting and talking with older folks, and listening to their stories... it was those moments, that they had the opportunity to share with me, their "quiet moments" of life........

I take each day given to me and my loved one's on a whole new level, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you friends.


October 14, 2010

A Day When You Just Want To Scream, "Thank You Jesus!"

I know there are days when nothing trivial happens to put you on the edge of your seat, or opportunities for us to see the TRUE Grace of God, but today has not been one of those tthankful mornings! When I share with you, I want to be real! I want to expose my frailties, mistakes , good and bad judgement calls, just LIFE as it happens in my world!

It is so easy to get complacent as a parent, or careless, I must say..... Today I had one of those moments. EJ was at the bus stop and I was on the phone. I had told that boy about twenty or so times, to stay out of the road, stop climbing, stay in the grass.

Turned my back for a second, and apparently EJ was doing the balancing act of the curb, and almost lost his balance with a car coming! To make matters worse, my husband for some reason came home for something, and saw the whole thing! Icing on the cake!
There was a poem written some time ago reflecting of the concept of what time really meant! I will try and find it, but it goes on to say, if you want to know the value of something ask someone that the essence of time is important!  Today a split second made all the difference in the world. Never will I think of a day, as a burden, such as being long, boring, etc and wishing for another day to come! You better take each second that God gives you.. Another thing I would "trip out on", was growing old! I did not want for that to happen, but after losing someone close to me at a very young age unexpectedly, its a whole lot better than dying young.
Kiss your kids, tell hubby you love him, and enjoy each second your given, its a Blessing!


October 11, 2010

Life is Painful Sometimes!

I think whole-heartenly the worst pain that a mom bears, other than Child birth... is watching your child experience a broken heart! The absolute worst feeling in the world, the experience in which you receive the most growth, and the best opportunity to pull closer to HIM!

I remember mine on a high school level, and then again, several times as an adult! Something you never forget! I always ask myself, and have asked my kids, "What did you learn from this, and how will it make you stronger?  Life always teaches you lessons with each experience that it brings you.... the key is.... and I didn't realize this until a few go-a- rounds in life, is what it shows you,  from repeating the lesson over again!

I think God is all his Glory, has a sense of humor in all of this as well. I don't know about you, but I remember (looking back now it's funny) the silliness of my "first love." I was convinced, at that particular time, that Life as I knew it was over after my first dramatic break-up.  My son and I laugh about it now, or should I say I still tease him, about how he was convinced his eighth grade love was the one for life!

How many of you remember your first love? First heart break? What did you learn from it?

September 4, 2010

Ali's 11 Years Old Today.....

Wow, I cant believe that my little girl is turning 11, just seems like yesterday I was bringing her home! We t ook Ali to get her Ipod Touch, Roller Skates, and two pairs of Earrings that she wanted! Next weekend we are going camping with four of her girlfriends! That's going to be exciting!  Just wanted to share her day...

July 9, 2010

I Love Finding Great Deals and Freebies while Shopping!

I love shopping, and especially love to find items that are free or greatly reduced! I love good quality, classic clothes, most of which are designer brands but refuse to pay high prices for them!

I thought I would share with you, my "secrets" to finding a great deal! As you may know, I love thrift stores, consignment stores, garage sales .... etc....I take my time, and stroll through all the racks of clothing, and look for price tags of under a dollar first. I can't tell you how many times I have purchased silk-lined wool pants in the winter, Rafaella, Dolce and Gabana, and even scored on two Coach purses for $10.00 a piece!  I absolutely love a deal!

If I am looking for a particular item, the last being a gas grill, a great local website to check out, is www.freecycle.org. Google it, and then you enter the town that you live in, or the surrounding area. This is a great place, if you are looking to get rid of things, or are looking for things. Its all Free! I have received a laptop and a computer PC, Craigslist is another great way to find a bargain.

For those who love to read,  even if you do not own a Kindle, Amazon.com has a free reader for your computer, that you can download (Kindle for PC). Amazon list free digital books for free that you can download to your PC.

Share your thoughts.....

June 23, 2010

Cool Website for Bloggers interested in making money!

I love to blog, and I also love to make money, legitimately of course! I found this website http://walletboosters.com/ that I think is so cool. If you are interested in working from home, product testing, or blogging for dollars; I encourage you to check this out.

I have signed up for more product testing for blogging than anything else. This is where they send you the product to check out, and most of the time you get to keep it. There are several companies listed on this website, that are looking for testers.

Yesterday I was a busy girl, I signed up for so many, I dont even know what all I signed up for. I will update you to advise you, if I really made any money.


June 16, 2010

Elijah's Modeling "Gig" ....

I had always wondered what happened during a modeling "shoot", well Ej went on his first one today! This assignment was relatively easy I assumed, it was for a swim wear/ pool product company. The photographer and production staff flew out from California, and were spending a week out here to photograph various models of all ages. The girls were photographed in the morning, and the little boys followed up in the afternoon! Boy, were they shocked! The girls were sweet and orderly, and the boys were busy and rowdy!

Talk about stress and pressure! Oh my, this company was paying these children over one hundred and something dollars an hour, so of course, every little thing he did, I was busy in the background shaking my head, telling him no, and constantly saying pay attention, listen! I am exhausted! Ej had a great time, splashing in the water, swimming, playing with the product toys, and to top it off he cashed in on our bribe of Pokemon cards and Bakkugans!

I don't really know if I am good with this, it was a lot of pressure on the kids to be little adults. Ej missed school today, including his awards ceremony. I thought about it today as he was playing, and I was stressing.... sometimes it's okay just to be a kid!

I have no idea what the client told our agency, I know that they thought Ej's pictures were good, they did say that.... but it will be very interesting! I will let you know, as soon as I find out!

June 7, 2010

Elijah...New York Here I Come!

The modeling agency called yesterday to see if Ej would be interested in a catalogue print! This would pay 125.00 per hour~We will see, not bad for a seven year old~

May 25, 2010

It's Alot of Work to be a Beauty Queen!

I haven't updated in a while in regards to Alexis' beauty pageant. She recently won the title of Miss Virginia South side Outstanding Pre-teen, it's a local city level title covering the Southern part of Virginia (Suffolk, Portsmouth). During her year long tenure, she will be expected to fundraiser, volunteer, participate in local community events for the city. We decided that we wanted to go forth and compete on the state level, Miss Virginia Pageant in the Pre-teen division. We finally got all the paperwork in, went on a practice interview class, scheduled for two stage preps this week, visiting a nursing home this weekend, along with more local community service for the food bank. Alexis has decided her "platform" will be regarding hunger. She will focus in on the community of Hampton Roads. Although we have gotten tremendous support with sponsors, the pageant itself is so expensive! Will update you more as we progress! We had a local fundraiser last weekend to raise money for the scholarship fund, along with the other winners in different divisions. Miss Portsmouth, Miss Portsmouth outstanding teen, Alexis Miss Virginia South Side pre-teen division and the little miss. Here is a picture of the 2010 reigning queens.

May 9, 2010

Just Because He is So Sweet!

Mothers Day 2010

My family always go out of their way to make holiday/celebration's extra special. Daddy and Ali and EJ got up this morning early and went and got breakfast for us! I am so blessed to have such a great family. We are all meeting at noon to go to lunch at the Outback Restaurant. My mom and Matt are suppose to be there. I am hoping that they both are able to make it. Katelyn is on her way home too from college! How exciting.

May 7, 2010

Listening to this song on my blog.

I have always loved the song that plays on my blog. It makes so much since for me now, all the things that I have struggled with.... Letting go, and giving it to God. I know that I have to become more disciplined and consistant with studying/praying to Him. I know he is meeting me right where I am at right now, and reaching out to me.... I almost have the grasp of his hand.
There are so many things that go on in our lives, things we cannot control. There was a poem the was talking about timing in our lives, I cant remember the name of it, I will try and find it... but it mentions the importance of just time. ah, here it is...

To Realize
•To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
•To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
•To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
•To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
•To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
•To realize the value of one second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.
•To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

I am learning to not take things for granted, you never know if you are given that second opportunity.
Wow! Life is a powerful journey, intense, fragmented but the Blessings. Thank You God for your Mercy and Grace... I need it!


April 21, 2010

My New Book Review Blog...

Hello, I decided since I do so many book reviews to have a special place just for them. Please click on the link, I would love for you to continue to follow me on this blog as well.
Talk soon.
Just click on the link, it will take you right to the new blog!

April 12, 2010

Faith.. What am I missing here?

Something came to my mind today, and the sense of fear and abandonment managed to move into full action! To be honest, I was hesitant to even admit out loud or write it on paper for fear, (there's that word again.) of what other's may think of me or how I feel about myself. I then realized that this is my blog, and holding it in, will not ever resolve this "issue" I have, and a serious one at that! Fear and abandonment have been a friend to my family for a long time, or maybe more accurately, "been a friend to me." I hate to feel stupid or rejected so I tend to internalize things and not share much, until it physically makes me sick! Academically speaking, I have always made decent grades, but I tell you I had to study twice as hard as most! Writing to me has always been my way out, but then again, the "fear" of someone actually reading it. Whew!

Ok, so enough rambling..Here is the real deal, I have a really hard time accepting the fact that God loves me, and that his presence is in my daily life. It is so hard for me, because I cant see him. I think it is because of the physical ability to interact with humans, that I tend to gravitate to the "human/physical" side of whomever has been placed in my life. Due to the lack of Faith, and real deep connection I feel alone. I also know that this full emotional dependence on someone else other than God, is real close to the Idolatry Line, for I am not trying to go down that line with HIM! I have already experienced heartache and grieving in my life, so I don't think it is God's intention for me to take that class, but I need the answers Now on how to get there and full relationship with God. I know alot of the text book answers on this, like read the bible, he will speak to you? I know scripture.... I feel like I need to get there with HIM soon, like yesterday! I also know how to repent and ask HIM to fill me with his spirit, but something just isn't clicking!
I know I have babbled, and if I am the only one who reads this, I have gotten it onto paper, and like a research paper, can go back and break it down. It sounds like I am just looking for the "Cliff Notes" on this, and I really am not; I will do the work, just tell me what it is Lord!

April 11, 2010

Thank You God for my Praying Grandma!

I just turned forty (yes, 4-0), and I will tell you that I am just not feeling it. Something about the number I guess, but it puts you in a whole other generation. Anyways, I realized tonight, that as far back as I can possibly remember, my Nanny Interceded on my behalf, and covered me with her prayers!

I don't take lightly what she did for me growing up. She introduced and taught what "Unconventional" Love truly is. In her 87 years on this Earth, I always knew she loved Jesus, and couldn't wait to see him. Looking back as a child, I probably didn't even know that she was praying for me, but she did and continued to cover my children with her prayers as well!,

It is truly God's Grace and Mercy that kept me, but her prayer's sure did help! It takes a very special person to Intercede in prayer with another. She prayed even when she didn't feel like it, she would tell me, "Just keep pushing for it baby, if it is Gods will it will happen."

My Grandparents always took me to church, and I remember that Nanny knew everybody!!!! It was either her prayer group, or woman's group. It was such a wonderful experience, and to truly know that no matter what I did, she would never stopped loving me or interceding for me, and that's what Jesus has done for all of us!
Thank you God for giving me my Nanny! I miss you....

April 9, 2010

Sharing my favorite poem.

To “Let Go” Takes Love
Author Unknown

To let go does not mean to stop caring: it means that I can’t live someone else’s life for him.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it is to realize that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable: but to allow learning from natural consequences
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; it is to be responsible for myself in that situation.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go means I want what God wants in the situation, not what I think is best for me or another person.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own lives.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the good in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anyone else’s life, but to do my best to become all that I can be.
To let go in not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and to love more.
To let go is to hug someone, but not hold him so closely that he is crushed or smothered.
To let go is to give a person or a situation to God, who is the only One who can work everything together for our good and His glory.

April 8, 2010

"Just Chillin"

It's a few days before I turn the BIG 40! Hubby and I decided to just hang out and rest for the upcoming weekend, he is on leave for a few days now.

Took out the Eagles Final Concert DVD and Eucalyptus candle, turned lights off and can you say relax! I totally am there with "Take it Easy." I love the part of the song, that says "We may lose or we may win, but we will never be here again". I must have been gypsy/hippie in my former life.

Anyways, I have been told that for a woman the forties, are the best years! I don't know, I kinda liked the 21st year, but I am going with it and see where it all ends up!

Until next time.

For Those who have Grieved or are grieving now....

I wanted to share with you something that I wrote after the death of my brother. It was at the time how I was feeling, and since there has been a new season in my life, it reality impact is somewhat diminished.

I wrote this in my Grief Group, but for those still struggling....hope it helps.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 | A Rambling story You know you read so many stories, and know personally people who have lost someone they loved. You not being initially affected, say the standard clique , "I am so sorry, or Is there anything I can do for you?". Well of course, you have to say thank you... but inside, you are thinking, (but I actually said this to someone), well you could bring my brother back to me, that would be nice." Until it happens to you, you empathize with them, and think about them every once in awhile, wondering how they are doing, and go on with your life. Then Wham, something tragic happens to you, someone or something took your heart and soul away from you. I thank God literally for the "shell shock" stage, or the numbing stage... because literally I know the human brain could not handle the impact of something like that all at once. In my opinion, it would literally "blow your mind." So you are numb, desperate for anything to make this pain go away, and to bring your loved one back to you. For one more time, or chance to change the circumstances. Other than self-medicating, being numb is the only time when you experience something but don't feel the real impact of the situation. Then all of a sudden, this protective mechanism goes away, your out there with pain raw to the bone. You literally feel like your bones are crying out, shrieking with pain. unimaginable, until it happens to you. So you barely function, but yet there is so much responsibility, so many things to take care of.... your not prepared, for the minimum amount of days you have before your loved one is buried, or taken "further away." Why is this happening? There are so many people, you think, out there, that don't even care about their family. Why did you take mine? So, as normal as it really is, your faith is tested. You are angry at everyone, God, sometimes family, friends. You are also alone. Because by this time, you feel like your friends have abandoned you. Not really because they don't care about you, its more so because they are uncomfortable with your sadness and despair, and do not know what to say, for they know that there is nothing they can say to you to make you feel better, so they don't say anything at all, slowly disappearing..... Time passes by slowly, life goes on, your family expects you to keep it together, and you try to make "normalcy" a thing of the present. You still have to work, pay bills, be there for your other children, and family... People will mention a "new normal" to you, and it will anger you when you hear it, what is a new normal. Get used to the term, it sticks. Its important for a person who has lost a loved one to "talk about and keep their memory alive," its a way of natural healing, whether or not you are aware of it or not. The outside world remember, is uncomfortable with your displaying of emotions, and needing to still talk about your loved one. They expect you to move on, come on, its been.......months, years..... remember these are the same people, who I wrote about in the beginning. The one's who empathize with you but really havent experienced it themselves. But hold on, you still have to be you, you still have needs and feelings and healing to meet. Its important to find an "outside venue" to do this... Daily Strength, Bereavement Groups, Compassionate Friends, if you have lost a child... Stay connected, I joined a group called Grief Net, when I lost my brother, eight years ago, and it was a group of about 20 people who had lost a sibling themselves, we emailed, communicated, some visited through the years, and even today I receive emails from them. We have gone through Death, births, marriages, divorces.... you name it.... We no longer need the connection that we did in the beginning now, but our friendship grew. So my advise to you, connect, grieve at your own pace. If your not ready to pack up things and discard of get rid of their precious belongings, Don't.... People remember only empathize with you... Don't let anyone or anything rush your grief, because guess what? From experience, I can tell you, you will take that class again. You cannot go around grief, it is something you must do, step by step, daily.... I can tell you that the to the bone pain goes away. You don't feel like you are going to just die, literally you start to slowly breathe again on your own. There is always that feeling, the pit of your stomach, that achiness in your gut..... that never goes away.... just lessens.... There will be good days and bad, some days after eight years, I feel like I did in the beginning.... but most of the days, I can look at his picture, and smile and remember how much I love and miss my baby boy....... Until I see you again.... Peace.. To all others reading this, I know how you feel, it is awful.... I am here for you..... Traci

April 6, 2010

Treasure the time the Lord gives you with your Children!

I was thinking earlier about how I allow Satan to come in sometimes, and upset the balance of spending quality time with my children. It is often during this special time, that the phone will ring, priorities and tasks get in the way and etc... you get the point, something takes us away from giving our kids our full attention. A is 10 now, and is such a sweet, beautiful girl! E is seven years, and he is so smart, all boy, and yet very sweet and cuddly... Precious times! I absolutely love the age that they are at now, wishing we could stay at this time frame a long while. If you are lucky enough to have children, and they manage to survive the pre-teen and teenager stage, your on your way! My daughter K is finishing up her freshman year at college. This was mind-blowing, for she had never left home before, and now she was out on her own! Who is going to be there to protect her? The most highest Jesus Christ.

I often look around at others, and watch them interact with their families, its a universal thing, no matter what language you speak! The only thing different during this time, is the language we communicate with.

I hope and pray that I never have an tragedies with my children. I just wouldn't know how to make it.... I often wonder why he takes from some parents, and not others. I cant imagine what my mom went through when she lost my brother at 24 years old......
guess that's it for now....


April 4, 2010

On our way to Church this Easter Morning.

We have been planning to attend CRC for our Easter Service, and even though its in Norfolk, it is well worth the ride. I always hear the Word when I am there. We really need to find a closer church, for the drive can be long. I dont know if it is because I have been lazy, not willing to change, or what.... in my lapse of finding a church over on this side of the water! Any hew, its no excuse!

Woke up this morning early, kids got their baskets, and we went to the real meaning of Easter. How in the world do you get Jesus rising, and an Easter bunny? What is up with that? Am I the only one who thinks its ridiculous, or what?

Spent time really basking on what it means that Jesus took on all he did for us, died and rose again. If I put into modern times, 2010 as happening, I just dont see what it would be. You know this world, has gotten so anti-Christ, they want to take God out of everything, no prayers in school.... and you wonder why kids are blowing up schools?
Well hope everyone has a great and Blessed Day!

March 31, 2010

I worry about my son.....

My seventeen year old son has made some very poor choices in regards to staying out of trouble. First it was something minor, then it easily escalated to Felonies! Not just one, but several. Ever since he was little, he would talk about going into the military when he grew up, I don't think that will happen now. I will find out on Monday, how much time in the Juvenile Prison system he will get. K is looking at 12 to 24 months! The blessing in all this, is that K will get his GED and because he still is a Juvenile, he will be offered rehabilitation programs including vocational training. K is really good with his hands, and loves to fix stuff.

K lived with us until he was ten, and begged me to let him live with his dad! A very heartbreaking decision to be made, now it feels like that same decision being repeated over and over.... It is hard to explain, you want SO much for your child, and when they fall short its disheartening.

I am still blessed, I unlike so many others, still have my child here! I thank God every day for his Mercy and his Grace, in protecting my son,,,, K put himself in some really dangerous situations, only God..... only God...

Well I guess I have rambled, please pray that he walks with Jesus, the way he did when he was younger.......

The Promise of Morning Book Review

I haven't read a fiction book in a really long time, but I must tell you that this was a good book! The Promise of Morning is written by Ann Shorey, and is published by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group. Now that you know were to find this book, I will share my thoughts with you. I love "settler" books, back in the 1800's, I guess because I just adored the "Little House on the Prairie" television show. If you were into that too, you are going to love this book!

The setting is in the 1840's in the Illinois frontier, with a family of Matthew Craig who is a pastor and his wife Ellie. Ellie is a unique character but with emotions and feelings, that are all too common in the 2010's. Even though the setting was in 1840's, the pain and loneliness that she goes through after burying three children. Ellie shares with us, what it is like for a mother to grieve the loss of her children, and the depth and despair about losing one's self along the way. While Ellie is facing these feelings, her young marriage is suffering as well, to include Matthew her husband; a young pastor finding out who he is and what he stands for. This is the second book in the series, "At Home in Beldon Grove."

To anyone who has lost, love, and grown through their situation will relate to Ellie and Matthews life in such a way that the same would apply to us today over 160 years ago!

Not going to be a spoiler, but I reccommend this book to anyone. The book not only covers relationships, marriage, family, settlers, but it also has another twist to the book that you have to check out for yourself. Let me know what you think.

Available March 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

March 16, 2010

Real with Myself

Got to tell ya, I want to share with you, my real feelings, and thoughts. I have been in a wierd "funk" for the last couple of weeks... I can't really explain where it came from, but it was almost like throwing a big, heavy tarp over me... I could see out, but really couldnt grasp or reach outside of this area, for it was such a heavy weight on me. Subconsciously, I knew something was not quite right. I was outside myself, felt differently towards my husband, felt almost bothered by him?! What in the world! I was having such a difficult time, believing him, following him as our leader of the family. It was almost like I fought against, everything he said. One thing I have learned through all this, is your thoughts are only your thoughts, some of them are not even realistic. (Thank you Jesus, for your Mercy and Grace on me, for only HE knew where I could of ended up, if I were judged on what I thought.) Thank you Jesus!

The last lesson out of this trial, was that what you say has a tremendous impact on another person, whether or not it is true or if you really meant it, if you say it, that other person receiving your words assumes it to be your truth and takes it too heart! For some unknown reason, I guess I could blame it on "anger", or really it was just shear meanness. I told my husband, who is my everything, that I was tired of "it", and the only reason I was still with him, was because of my kids! What? As soon as I said it, I knew I was in trouble. The look and pain on his face, ugh..... I immediately had an inner panic of the devastation I had caused... How was I going to fix this? As shameful as it is, you know even at that time, I didnt even take the thought or time to reach out to Jesus.... A perfect opportunity, but what it turned into was more devastation. I came to realize without Jesus in your life, and marriage, if two people stay together long enough, they will end up divorced. Mind you, I said that two people without Jesus in their life; will keep on hurting and tearing down the walls of your marriage, family. A panic overtakes you, God help me, I dont want to tear my family apart, devastate my kids...continue the curse of divorce among my generations.

Moving fast forward to this morning, I was getting ready to facilitate the bible study I lead on Tuesday morning. Imagine that, I am leading other ladies with all the burden I have put on myself and family, all because of my lack of initiative (not sure what else to call it, stupidity? ) to humble myself and reach out to God!

What was I possibly going to lead this morning? I had no energy and just felt exhausted! On the way there, I repented, and asked God to help me through this all. So much to say for a little five minute car ride, but after that, I felt the walls coming down.. Joy that I havent felt in awhile, at least the last two weeks anyways....

Bible study went well, you really cant go wrong with Beth Moore leading you..... well this is so long, I guess I am wondering, anyone else out there feeling like I did?

March 13, 2010

How to Reach Your Full Potential for God Book Review

I have been familiar with Charles Stanley since I was a little girl! My grandmother read his books, and watched his television shows. I admired the calmness and confidence of his teachings, and he adored his mother! LOL

This book "How to Reach Your Full Potential for God" explains to us, in his easy to understand method teaching that we are all here for a purpose, and that we are giving the tools that we need to fulfill his purpose. He also show us, if we draw near to God during this transformation, that God will teach us with stirred passion all that we need to know.

The first thing he ponders his readers, is by asking us, "Do you want God's best?
In his book, he gives clear concise chapters on what is necessary and in what order to take it. Some of the topics include getting ready: a clear mind and a clear heart.

Mr. Stanley's guidance in having a healthy body, balanced schedule and right relationships, puts us in a position to excel. I truly think this is a great book, and would recommend it to anyone interested.

A pre-teen drama filled night!

Not only do we have an Awesome God, but he also has a brilliant sense of humor! Who would of ever imagined me with a house full of pre-teens,who were up late last night, and the first one's up this AM, around the seven am range! Five minutes later, I am still sitting in front of the computer, with my eyes closed!

Decided the girls were up for the day.... to make waffles... great when your not awake. Survived the Julia Child lesson from my daughter, and elected Captain of the KP Patrol!

Whew, my theory on this, is that I do not trust people with my kids! I would much rather have my kids invite the kids over here, so I know what they are doing! Hubby was not all that thrilled with my logic this weekend, for he was looking forward to relaxing! He will get over it!

Found a really great and free program from Pinsoft (google) that teaches HTML. It takes you step by step, love it and its free!

Going to put my latest book reviews up on the site, until then talk to you later.

March 10, 2010

Is it really March, already?

I cannot believe how fast this year is moving by! It is already Wednesday of this week. Katelyn is home for Spring break at school, and I am really enjoying her visit! Yesterday, she had two teeth pulled, but her company is great.

As you know, last week, was the week from Hell! It just seemed like I was completely stressed out the whole week. Thank goodness God had mercy on me, and let my bad week disappear, I just didnt know what i would do, lol.

Our Kindles arrived, Kate and I have been having soooooo much fun, they are truly awesome. What else is new? Alexis got accepted into the Magnet program. We applied, but havent really committed to her going as of yet, Long bus ride!

Well I guess that is it for now, talk soon.

March 4, 2010

Today has to be a better day than yesterday, Lets be real, What was going on?

I can honestly say so far 50 minutes into my new day was ALOT better than my whole day yesterday!~

Woke up yesterday am, with my husband and I not speaking, because of an argument the night before, something stupid I am sure, but once my mouth started running, not much was left after that. It is like an earthquake 8.0 magnitude on the scale, I guess that says enough. So put on the Black Eye Peas to start my day out..... Loudly....

Elijah and I went to the Law Library and had to copy at least 25 pages for this stupid Supreme Court Appeal! Can you say over it???????????????????????

One very exciting piece of news, I got my Kindle in the mail! Oh I love it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It will even read to you out loud, so very cool. Well it snowed so the kids were out of school due to snow yesterday. Casual day for them I guess.

well I have alot to do today, will write more later.

February 20, 2010

Life Just Keeps on Moving....

Today marked the eighth anniversary of my brother Daniel's death.  It sure doesnt feel like eight years have passed, but so much has changed.  Its hard to believe that he was only given such a short time here, 24 years is certainly not enough time. Never got to know him as the role of husband and father. I always thought we would be there for each other, but God had other plans. Its amazing how in his plans, life just moves on. A friend of mine today had a little baby boy, people are born and people die. All in a split second of life.
Wow, just have to wonder what life will bring us all next, I am ready, Are you ready?

February 8, 2010

Snow is almost Gone!

Well it has been a crazy week: snow, kids out of school, taxes, soccer sign ups.... whew.... I am tired. I don't know if it has been the weather lately, but I have noticed I really have to try to stay focused and organized! A day in the jammies, kids running around all crazy, to me has had its passing thoughts. I am determined to get past this, and am using my to do book like crazy.

Kate is back at college, settled in for the new semester. She called me today and said she had a sore thoat and wasn't feeling good. She went to the school nurse there, and like the old elementary school nurses, given a few cough drops and sent of her way. LOL

Well I guess that is it for now.

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